Boredom
by steamingcocoa
Summary: well, you'll just have to read and see wont you...i suck at summaries


Okay, so this is set after breaking dawn, but breaking dawn was fall of lies! Lies I tell you, lies! Anyway Bella and Edward didn't have a child, so Jacob hasn't imprinted and vampires can't have kids! Therefore there are no half vampires cause that would be weird…

-Worships Stephanie Meyer statue, and sings random praises while holding an apple between my teeth for some unknown reason- I do not own anything, I just make the characters do weird things, unless I do own them which means the character is sort of crappy and doesn't appear in the Twilight saga….

Apov

Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored.

"Alice! Shut up!" Edward growled

"Nope!" I thought "stop reading my mind! Stop it! Now! I mean it!" I thought and

continued thinking 'bored'

"Please! I beg you!" Edward begged

"Noooooo!" I laughed seeing Edward face

"Right, I'll go see a certain Porsche, maybe I'll give it a new paint job" he threatened raising his plucked (yes, Edward does plucks his eye brows)

" touch it and I'll kill you" I growled

"Shut it and go on the computer" Edward sighed

"I haven't spoken to jazzy wazzy for ages-" I began (jazz was in Mexico with Carlisle, Esme, Emmett and Rosalie on our privite land)

"Yeah, ten minutes ago" he snorted

I grumbled something that shouldn't be mentioned in case of minors, and skipped over to the computer (the reason I'm skipping is Emmett dared me too until they get back, and I dared him to wear Rosalie's pink thong collection for the same amount of time…). Pressing the button I waited out the time till it loaded by drawing Edward in ladies clothing, I herd him curse me under his breath and giggled. When the computer had FINALLY loaded, I pulled up my messenger.

Online:

Fulloffeelingjazz-jasper

Rosestunner-rosalie

Grizzlylover-emmett

offline (not shown)

i click on every one of them and wait for someone to greet me, you see i can't be doing everything, i clicked on em so they have to say hello first...edwards right, i do need a shrink...no one said hi...still nothing...if someone dosen't say hi soon i will poison every animal within a 50 mile radius so that when they feed they will all die...thinks back to what i have just thought and dicides to think mwa ha ha...so impatient...jasper! why tormet me so? why not say hi?...lots of dots...flowers...yay theres a beep someone saying something...yay!...i should reply...okay, ill do it now

jasper says: hiya hun

alice says: can't you greet me faster?

jasper says: erm, yes?

alice says: i've been waiting thirty three seconds

jasper says: sorry?

rosalie says: hiya alice...jasper

jasper says: oh rosie, get off the computer, you might make the screen crack! lol at you

alice says: ohh! look! theres an online sale!

rosalie says: jasper, emmett picked up some extra small snug condoms, there to small for him, so you want them? lolx2 at you! suck on that

jasper says: rosie posie vampires don't need comdoms, so the 'lol's on you

rosalie says: just because you'd never get a chance to use them...don't worry, not everyone can be active in that way, the 'lol' belong to you brother

alice says: guess what i just bought!

jasper says: don't know hun, what?

alice says: shrink sessions for us all

readingyourpervythoughts-edward has just sighned in

edward says: i hate you alice

jasper says: alice, why would you do that?

rosalie says: yeah jasper already has three weekly sessions, lmao, beat that small thang

jasper says: emmett keeps coming in here and asking me to satisfy him, rose work on that. lmao

shieldlovesfurandfangs-bella has just sighned in

bella says: hello all

edward says: should't you be in dentention not the kitchen?

bella says: yes, but used my persuasion skills ;)

edward says: you dazzled him lol

bella says: yeah, lol, hows mexico?

jasper says: cool

rosalie says: jasper, your vocabulary range is very small, much like another part of your body

emmett says: ohhhhhhh, go rosie

jasper says: emmett!

emmett says: you said i wanted you to satisfy me!

jasper says: sorry :(

bella says: whats up with rosalie and jasper?

rosalie says: jasper dropped all my clothes in the pool!

jaspers says: not on perpouse

rosalie says: yeah...

alice says: guess what bella!

bella says: dunno and should i be scared? lolllllllllll

alice says: no silly, we all have shrink sessions!

bella says: just a second people...

edward says: lol, alice is screaming

jasper says: what? is she okay? is it bella?

edward says: you know what, dunno, and yep

bella says: hi

jasper says: bella!

bella says: yes?

jasper says: -growl-

edward says: growl again and die

rosalie says: jasper growl again

jasper says: rosalie, we are NOT in pre school, don't be mean cause you like me a LOT, lol for you

alice says: ow...bye everyone

jasper says: yeah, love you hun, bye

bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored-

"shut up alice!" edward shouted, and i raced down stairs to shout back

"nope" i said smiling widly, and bella smiled too

" i still hate you alice" she muttered turning back to the tv

Review or die!

if you do not review this i will send several evil purple sparkly killer pixies after you, thease several evil purple sparkly killer pixies will braid all the hair on your head, dispite the lengh, and then tie the braids to a pole which also holds a bomb, seeing as said braids are super strong, you will not escape. You will be serverly burned, causing your skin to feel burned, which mean no vampires will ever bite you! mwa ha ha! And i will follow you everywhere (im a vampire obviously) when you turn 85, and laugh at you untill you die! mwa ha ha!

you have been warned...review!...no threats plz, my stalker won't stop sending them

from a crazy nutty vampire


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